Dearest friends,
The loss of a child is one of the most difficult things a woman can endure and even with all the support, sometimes, it gets really hard. Most women have gone through this and they can bear me witness. Several months after i lost my baby, it was still hard to talk about it without getting very emotional.
One other thing i remember vividly is the strange dreams i had. My baby could walk and could also talk to me in those strange dreams.
I only thank God that i had a very balanced view of dreams.
In one of the dreams, he walked to me and asked me whether i was angry with him for dying, i said yes and he said he was sorry but the antibiotic was just too much for him, OMG!!, how sad i felt in my dream. I held him and told him i understand and was sorry too that he didn’t stay with me. I was crying and he was wiping my tears. It was a very bad day for me; it looked so real but i knew it was just my imagination playing tricks on me.
In another dream, he tells me that he died because he knew i wanted to go back to school and he didn’t want to be on my way, i remember getting angry and asking him why he didn’t ask me what i wanted, why didn’t he know that my mum could take care of him. He looked down and said he was sorry and that he didn’t know. I woke up feeling very bad, i wanted the dreams to stop. There were few others that were more vague but i wasn’t deceived, it was just the sore brain of a bereaved young woman trying to find an answer or to read a meaning into a painful tragedy. My baby couldn’t talk or walk, he was just dead.
Friends, do i have some regrets? Yes i do. I regret letting my pregnancy go post-date. I now know that the chances of complications during delivery tend to increase with post date pregnancy.
I also regret being stupid but thinking i knew anything.
I regret not listening to my doctor’s advice but angry at my doctor for being too much of a gentleman.
I regret most of all not telling my mum the truth when she visited me the morning my labor started, i haven’t forgiven myself.
Did i learn some lessons? yes i did. I got wiser, more humble, less fool hardy and i can conveniently say that i have used the lessons i learnt from my experience to help a hand full of other women and friends in similar situations to mine. I have also concluded that female babies are more resilient than the males {i still like them though}
Friends, I pray that none of you experience what i went through and even now, may God guide and protect us in whatever life journey we plan to embark on and may we rely on God in everything we do. I LOVE U ALL!! and THANKS U”ALL!!!